Choosing An Elopement or Intimate Wedding

Wedding planning is …. a lot.
There are so many outside pressures, so many things to consider, and it gets overwhelming real quick. Naturally, when things start to get stressful, your first instinct might be to just say f*ck it and elope! But eloping isn’t necessarily for everyone. So how do you really make the decision to elope? Well, let’s talk about it.

Back in the day, if you were gonna “elope” it meant you were gonna run away with your hunny and get married in secret or “against parental consent” (insert eye roll here). Nowadays, the definition of eloping has shifted to something like “getting married somewhere cool with a small crew” or even “getting married on your own terms” or however else you’d like to phrase it. My point here? An elopement is no longer just courthouse paperwork - it’s whatever you want it to be.

How do you know if an elopement is right for you?

Deciding to have an elopement or intimate wedding (15 guests or less) can be a lot harder than it might sound. Once planning starts, the guest list begins to add up fast, and choosing to trim that list can be a challenge! Especially if that means it might piss your mom off and you don’t wanna face her wrath. So if you’re thinking you might wanna elope, here are some things to discuss and consider with your partner when you start to plan:

1. Does the idea of saying your vows in front of 100+ people terrify you?
   Understandable. Weddings are such a vulnerable event, and confessing your most heartfelt feelings in front of a couple hundred people can be scary! If that’s the case for you, maybe consider a smaller guest list (or no guest list at all).
   

2. What type of wedding budget are we talkin here?
   It might seem obvious, but choosing to elope or have an intimate wedding is often cheaper. Not only that but once you scale things back, you can choose to spend your money on things that are more important to the two of you! Which leads me to my next question…
   

3. What are your wedding priorities and what are your partners?
   Getting married is a collaborative event. No matter how much you and your bae agree on stuff, there has to be some compromise with wedding planning. So take the time to sit down and really chat about it! Are you really adamant about having a certain caterer? Is your partner really focused on specific flowers? Is it really important to have all 30 of your cousins there? Typically, after going over all the ins n outs of weddings, you really start to decide what is most important to both of you (and what really isn’t important at all). Once you’ve had that chat you might find that you’re both happier with a way smaller production.
   

4. Does the idea of tradition make you yawn?
   Weddings are events that are coated in tradition, and if that isn’t your vibe, let me be the first person to tell you that that is totally okay. What it comes down to is you and your partner. If you want to throw tradition out the window completely, do it! If you want to keep some things and toss the rest, more power to you. Your wedding can be whatever you want it to be, and if that means spending a weekend in the Grand Tetons with three of your closest friends, saying your vows by the river, and then going to a bar after for your “reception” then no one is stopping you! (If you wanna see my blog post about that specific day, you can find it here). Point is, if you don’t love traditional wedding things, don’t have a traditional wedding.
   

5. Who do you really want to be with you on your wedding day?
   This one is tough, but probably the most important thing to discuss if you’re considering an elopement or intimate wedding. If you really do want your 30 cousins there, maybe a big wedding is your jam after all. Or maybe you just want your parents there. Regardless, It’s crucial to decide who belongs on the guest list (or if you even want a guest list at all) before deciding to elope. Your guest list will help you consider budget, location, destination, day-of activities, and more!

So now you think you want to elope but some common misconceptions are starting to come up….

1. Eloping means I have to go somewhere exotic, right?
   Nah. You can elope wherever you freaking want! Wanna tie the knot in your living room? Go for it. I’ve seen elopements in parks, in the middle of the woods, by a rock in the desert, and I could keep going. The point is to get married to your person, and you should feel free to do that however and wherever you want.

2. But if I’m eloping then I can’t invite my family…..
   Also, totally untrue. Mom and Dad can still be there, or your siblings, but the idea is to eliminate the pressure, so depending on how you want the day to run it might be easier with less people. That being said - invite who is important to you! It can be so meaningful to read vows in front of your 5 closest family members.

3. But we have to choose one or the other, right? Either a big wedding or elopement?
   Pshhhhh! Nonsense! You can absolutely run off to say your vows somewhere gorgeous and throw a party later. Of course, if you choose to have a big “reception” later, then you’ll be spending a bit more money and you’ll have some of that original stress we talked about, but if you and your partner can’t seem to decide, sometimes having that compromise helps a lot. So if you wanna elope somewhere cool and then party with everyone later, go for it!

The biggest takeaway from this whole thing? Your wedding is YOUR wedding.
If having a little backyard shindig feels more authentically you, or if your gut says let’s snowmobile to the top of a peak instead of feeding 100 people, then do it! The possibilities are endless when it comes to planning a wedding, so don’t let someone else tell you how to run it - it’s your show.